Over the next two weeks, every time I go to the bathroom it is an adventure. I’m used to things now, even though it just seems to get worse.I greet Karen by name when she comes in the room and tell her, afterward, that I feel very close to her.
Now, as I sit writing this, I am hemorrhoid free—but I know that this will not last forever. I can’t just be successful, content, and healthy like many people.We talk about whatwe never werehow we aren’twhat we didn’t offer or accept or defineand what we didn’t agree toso it can mean I amnot allowed to miss findingyour hairs on my pillowcaseor the way you take my shoes off when I amdrunk Like it must negate any sadness I would have had a right to feel,had I only been able to say “this is mine”,but all the love I have ever carriedin my bodyin my homein my hands and in my sternumis mine Every small thing I will remember about you is mine Every moment you loved meis mine And when you forgot me in the next moment, that is mine too You did not have to agree to stay before leavingin order to give leavingall the impactof this pile of bricks I am burying myself under, calling it a housebut this pile of bricksis also mineand I will lay under it if I want to. But in fact, experts don’t know where hemorrhoids come from. I had not expected that Transformers would play a role in my butt-health crisis.No matter how bad things could be for them, they could have all those things and five hemorrhoids. At least the misery will give me something to write about. Most of them are hugely talented - how can you not swoon for a guy with an amazing voice who can get up in front of hundreds of people and captivate them. They're resillient - given they work in an industry that comes with more setbacks than most - and have an imaginative, idealistic quality that most grown adults seem to have lost somewhere along the way.